sugar and spice

By Paolo Coelho. 

Seriously, I really did call this novel once minutes.  It was a few moments before I realized that the copy I was holding at Fullybooked (gateway) was in Spanish.   That was last year.  A couple of months ago, I got Abdul a second hand copy at the law cafeteria bookstand…this time is says “eleven minutes” on the cover. 

Today, I finally ran out of Johanna Lindsay novel that I needed refreshing on so I decided to move on.  I started reading as we were waiting for Uncle Pops and Tita Belen and the kids to take us to Brainworks. 

After a few pages, I stopped.  I knew it was going to be a good book.  I wanted to savor the material -especially the poetic diary entries of the young girl Maria about her early fascination with love or the idea of love.  I really wanted to linger over this book and perhaps get some new insights. 

Coelho’s works unlike Lindsay’s encourages a lot of introspection.  And as they (Coelho and his readers and the blurbs) say, it makes you dream.  Lindsay on the other hand is more like a dream in itself.  Do you see the difference?

When you read Lindsay, you enter a dream world…like in movies…some sort of a suspended disbelief.  You know it’s fiction but you enter into a suspended disbelief and enjoy the ride.  You get to know the characters just like in your favorite soap or tv series and try to predict what might happen next or guess which among the characters will probably get his or her own story next (yes, she does that a lot).

Coelho’s work on the other had touches a bigger part of you as a person.  And as the guy to whom this particular book was dedicated said, was particularly helpful to me too in certain points of my life.  Is it the timing? Or maybe he just writes the kind of book a person can relate to wherever or at whatever stage he/she is in her life. 

I read The Alchemist as I had just shifted courses, it encouraged me to dream and to realize that life may take me to different paths but the prize or treasure I have been looking for is right in front of me…or where I started.  Actually, it is in me.  It made me dream, value myself more and realize that the whole world is before me… waiting - if I could just take the first step.

The second novel I read was By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.  I was once again lost and alone.  My life as I knew it had stopped.  I was on leave from school and had a lot of free time.  This was soul searching time.  When my life finally starts again, what do I want to do?  For the first time in a long time, I was going to be alone and not part of a couple…I needed to move on and get my life and priorities in order.  But before everything else, I allowed myself to grieve.  For the love and what-might-have-beens.

I read Veronica Decides to Die as I was starting my chemotherapy.  No, I did not read this on purpose.  Each time a read a book by Coelho, I surprise myself.  I don’t read reviews or ask for summaries.  I read the blurb just before I start but by that time I had already decided to read the book.  The reading of the blur is more a force of habit than anything else.  Sometimes, I also ask if it’s good but that’s the extent of a third person’s opinion that I seek.  No questions on what is it about etc…

Veronica helped me appreciate each day more.  Maybe that’s the wrong term.  Although I admit to having had bouts of brattiness and depression, I don’t think I went to the usual stages.  Denial, Finger pointing (blaming others) etc.  I think it’s more like the book was a “karamay”.  I can’t really express yet how exactly the booked helped.  I didn’t fear death.  I was ready.  I am ready.  I appreciated the warning though.  I know there are a lot of people who do not value life or the time that they have (I was going to say time that is given but Hilbay was a bit more influential that I thought).  I’m glad that there are books like this that may help people realize the value of life.  All in all, Veronica Decides to Die was a statement.  I didn’t need to hear it but helped reinforce my beliefs nonetheless.

            Finally, Eleven Minutes.  Again, I read it just as I should. Or I think I should.  I finally graduated last year and should be entering the real world. 

Reality.  A lot of people may argue that going into law school is not yet being in the real world.  I have managed to suspend going into the real world by burying myself with more academic endeavors.   In a lot of ways I agree however, that statement is not exactly true.  I have graduated and although I feel fortunate that I have this chance of further studies, of still being a palamunin instead of going off on my own and working.  I also know that it is a choice and it can change anytime.  I am entertaining ideas of quitting school, finding a good job or working while going to school. 

I’m thinking about my goals.  How badly do I want them?  How much work and effort am I willing to give?  How much will I sacrifice?  Am I taking too much for granted?  Do I really have any goals?  Is this going somewhere?  Why am I doing this?

I’m thinking about my relationships.  My relationship with my parents, siblings, grandparents…other members of my family.  My friends, the people around me.  Do I value them? Do they value me?  Am I a user? Am I being used?  What can I do to enrich these relationships.  I’ve always thought I’m a low maintenance friend.  I don’t demand anything and I try to be there for the people I love.  Maybe that’s just perspective.  Maybe there are no demands but there are certain expectations.  How different are they?

I’m thinking about my choices.  Will I be able to stand up and defend them? What mistakes have I made? Have I learned from them?   How have my choices affected me and the people around me?  What circumstances shaped my decisions?  Do I take control of my life consciously or do I let life lead me?

Have I learned to say yes?  Have I learned to say no?  Do I know when to stop?  What is enough?

At the end of the day, will I have regrets?

Sobrang scary!  It wasn’t my first time nor was it the second.  The first was about 2 years ago with mace and telen.  Earlier this week, mace and I also took the habal to mintal.  In both occasions, it was just from UP to mintal.  This is the obvious disadvantage of going to UPMindanao.  Rare jeeps in campus and none at all if there are no regular classes and taxis probably never heard of the school in the middle of the bukid. 

Earlier today, I finally managed to go to school again (I couldn’t without being driven as I don’t know how to get there!) but since the driver was busy began to worry about how I’ll get home.  Ate linlin, the secretary, said she wasn’t sure what time the driver will finish his errands but I should just call. Uh ok.  What’s the number here sa office? Armed with that number, I bravely went to school on my own (hatid ni ariel) and asked to be left there.  While I was in my class I remembered that my parents said they’ll be coming down from Bukidnon on Friday.  Hmmm… I texted mama to ask if they could pick me up from school.  Unfortunately, they had a change of plans and will not be back until Saturday. Uh oh.

            The class got dismissed early around quarter to 12 so instead of taking a early lunch or work on the activities, I decided to took for my other teacher.  I figured if get to talk to her before lunch, I wouldn’t have to stay in school the whole day.  I might even get home in time to join Alec in his summer workshop and perhaps get a chance to talk to his teacher (work on my research paper –probably about adhd and be a concerned ate at the same time!).  Luckily, I was able to talk to ma’am Claire and after a few minute I was on my way…home?

Now, the problem is how to get there.  I texted tita belen that I planned on joining them to Brainworks but they won’t be leaving for another hour at least.  I also tried calling the office but nobody was answering the phone because it was lunch time.  So I took a leap of faith and tried to figure out how to get out of this place.

Obviously, I needed to get on a habal to mintal.  From there I have various options. 1^st, I can cross the highway and try to look for another habal –one that goes to elenita heights (uraya land), the development that borders the medrana property on the mintal direction. 2^nd, ride a jeep downtown and go from there. I can go all the way to SM or get down in Bangkal then go up again to Catalunan Grande.  But it just didn’t make much sense.

Before long, a habal noticed me approaching from the walkway…”miss, sakay ka?” I nodded my head and just before I got on the motorcycle, asked him “kahatud kag Grande?”  I don’t know what came over me but I figured if I needed to commute and ride the habal, I ight as well make it a very special trip and ask to be brought home directly.  Buti nalang he agreed.

It was a scary ride.  The route was mountainous, some of which are not even paved (but not much fortunately!) and it had lots of sharp turns AND did I mention you would be riding behind a man you don’t know (ergo also don’t want to touch or be close to) at high speed without a helmet?

I got home safely or at least in one piece. Total cost 50 pesos and about a quarter of my life. Hehehe

Every time I get an idea I wanted to write about I start thinking of what I wanted to say about it…usually when I’m in transit or just letting my mind wonder while taking a bath or when I’m experiencing something new or funny…thing is, what always happens is the moment I start thinking “oh, I should write about this…” the moment is usually gone…lost forever.

Some of the topics still sticks but I usually end up forgetting what I wanted to say about it…sayang!

Things I wanted to write about in the last week…

Let’s try to capture this in chronological order.

Early Monday morning while I was waiting for my flight at the Centennial terminal, I started people watching.  There was nothing else to do and since my flight wasn’t leaving for at least an hour yet, I settled myself in an empty bench a short distance from most of the people.  I was leaving on the first flight and had gotten to the airport at around 3am.  There weren’t many people yet considering it’s the peak season for traveling in the

Philippines

- especially domestic. (trivia: did you know that the centennial domestic terminal closes? I don’t know from what time but it doesn’t open until 2:30am. I found this out the hard way July 2005 as I was going home for a few days for lolo daddy’s birthday)

Geez! Ang haba na ng intro ko… sobrang free association kasi…

Anyway, I was people watching and soon enough the airport began filling up.  There was a cute baby who looked like a Beatle, naked in a stroller… can you picture this? A lightweight stroller – not the traditional pram- with a naked baby strapped on.  He had big deep-set eyes (dreamy –not sleepy or maybe I’m imagining things or I was just sleepy) and long black hair. Think John Lennon in the 60’s but on a stroller and naked. Now that just became disturbing. Okay, I just got distracted again.  I was trying to recreate the airport in my mind and all I could think of was how to describe this baby.  Sheesh! This story is NOT about that baby. He was just one of the interesting people who passed by me.  It’s just I thought he looked cool with the Beatle’s hair and naked at 3am in an air-conditioned airport.  Although I remember it being really humid outside as I was getting in the airport.

            Anyway, soon enough even the benches around me got occupied.  It wasn’t crowded yet but you could say that these benches were full or obviously taken.  There was just enough space for the passengers seated (with their baggage around them) and still feel comfortable and not be encroaching on anyone’s personal space. 

Imagine my surprise when a woman who was obviously with her family (husband, kids and all) suddenly squeezed herself into the bench in front of me.  I glanced towards their direction and noticed the guy who was already seated at that particular bench shift politely to give her more room. Then it started…

Although she was around 6 feet away from me, I could here her clearly.  She was mad -in a fit of a temper actually – and it was directed towards her husband. Uh oh.  Domestic dispute.  I suddenly remembered Sop and her stories of openly listening er, eavesdropping on the oftentimes loud conversations of people in coffee shops (remember Starbucks?).  This time it’s not like I have a choice.  It was really loud although not actually shouting and it made me uncomfortable.  And it was so hard to keep myself from laughing that I actually had to hide my face behind my bag a few times.

            Fortunately, the kids were not witness to this.  When their mom took the seat in front of me, there was no space for anybody else so they lingered while their dad talked to their mom. After a few moments she said, go ahead and find seats I’ll follow when it’s time to board. Obviously, feeling a bit dramatic or maybe she just wanted to be alone to cool-off her temper (which makes more sense).  However, after a few minutes, the guy came back and tried to woo or talk her out of her temper…ergo the pretty embarrassing conversation in front of me.

It started with an argument about a dog…I don’t know whose it was. But it was about a dog, between the mom and one of the kids.  She was mad at the dad for taking the kid’s “side”.  Then I degenerated to kid’s lack of respect and how they act so perfect around the guy’s relatives (ok, I’m presuming they live in Davao as half of the conversation sounded Davaoeno…but the guy is Tagalog or at least his relatives/family lives in Manila/Luzon) but they don’t give her respect…to his family never thinking she was good enough (my conclusion)…to maybe they should split up and the guy should take the kids with them.  What?!? Over a dog?

            Luckily, the flight started boarding soon after…

Day5: Monday

It’s less than a week till my Oblicon finals and I still haven’t studied or done digests or read for that matter.

Been watching tv, pocketbook-ing…pigging out… hay! The life!

We stayed in again today.  Hazel overslept so I’m not home alone.

Saturday we went out and had dinner with Bernice at Kubong Sawali (will post pictures later).  It appears to me that I seem to sort of have been following yung dinning patterns ng block when they were here nung sembreak.  I wish I had gone with them then.  I didn’t do any tourist stuff this time though – I already did that a couple of years ago.  But the day I got here (Thursday), when we finally peeled ourselves of our beds at 4pm we went out and had dinner at O-Mai Khan.  Mongolian buffet – bottomless…hehe.

By the way, I ran into Ferdz at Session Road.  He was on the campaign trail… which reminded me that if I go and take my summer classes in Davao it will mean missing the elections again.  Don’t take me wrong, they do have elections in Davao (and most of Mindanao for that matter), it’s just that I’m registered in QC – I just confirmed this. AARGH!

Day 2:

I desperately wanted some alone time… and I’m getting it – at last!  It’s been a crazy year.  Crazier than most - considering I though it was hard to beat last year. Oh well, since I’m being introspective, I might as well admit that my life in general has never been boring.

So I’m in

Baguio

. It’s really cold up here considering its summer and ‘it’s freaking’ hot!” in

Manila

right now. But its cool, er cold. Hahaha. Labo.

Today, I overslept and since Haz is volunteering at the hospital…I’m home alone.  I read a pocketbook (but, of course!) and browsed through some back issues of Cosmo…etc. Took a bath and was wondering if I’m gonna stay in or go out and explore

Baguio

.  Got dressed and ready but just as I was about to leave, I decided to turn the tv on…and got stuck. 

7^th heaven marathon…hay!  It’s been years since I’ve done this.

Then I decided to cook…disaster.  I don’t even remember how to cook rice.

Told hazel I made a mess in the kitchen. Hopefully, I can clean up before she comes home.

I need to start studying. 

I hadn’t planned on going home this summer.  I knew that since I had Labitag for oblicon I probably would have oral exams up until the middle of April.  Plus I need to take English units this summer pa.

Anyway, it seems Mama is petty determined I spend summer in

Davao

so my plans have gone crazy.

I know. I need to study.

So the plan is, I’ll try to study and still have some alone time free from the hustle and bustle of the city life.  Then I’ll go down to

Manila

(back to the init) and take my oblicon finals.  Hopefully talk to Sison too about the exam I missed when I got sick.  I totally forgot about that na.

Then I’ll fly to

Davao

and take my summer units there.

Wait! I need to locate Dianna and or Paco pala so I can look for my wallet at their condo.  All my id’s cards and money…

I really need to study.

Hopefully, I’ll have a blast in

Davao

. It’s great to be home again.  I really miss them. Plus the perks! Pool, beach, sun, sand…fun!

Things i want to do this summer…more like places I want to go to…

Pantukan.  If I’m going to be in

Davao

, I want to go to the beach there…

sana

I’ll still get some privacy even if its summer.  But it’s election season so maybe ts too magulo for me to b in Pantukan.

Cebu

.  I want to make time for this too but mostly I think it’s going to be the budget constraint that might stop me from getting there.  My teammates (college undergrad) are planning a trip there (at least Lei and Van are) and I really want to go with them.  I’ve never been there. Van’s grandmother has a house there.  It’s beside a nice hotel or something and she owns the land they’re using for the right of way.  So they have a discount on at the Hard Rock Hotel and she’s invited us to stay with her.  Also Hali lives there with her siblings and the really cute baby Nikita.  Plus Sherwin works there so he lives there as well…for the moment. And as I’ve said I’VE NEVER BEEN THERE!!!!!

I also want to go out with the block.  Actually, I’m most worried about this.  I didn’t get to go with them on the trip last sembreak because i was in

Davao

.  But I really want to be able to go with them this time and I might not because I’ll be in

Davao

(again!).  I hope the trip isn’t until after summer class so the chances of my going with them might go up.

I wonder where we’ll go… hmmm…Puerto Galera? Batangas? Hundred

Islands

?

Yan ba ang oras ng uwi ng desenteng babae? – hirit ni bin kaninang, er yesterday around noon while I has having my first meal of the day… I had just showered (yes, before anything else kasi it’s just super, super hot) although I had technically just woken up.

I had just got home a few hours earlier  (around 4am) from the dianna and paco’s condo at prince david…it was a block thing…we were celebrating… end of most of exams (oblicon orals kasi individual sched so hindi na together bubunuin)…a surprise thank you to aaron (who spoiled us dreadfully most of the year especially this sem)… incidentally mich and mark celebrated their bday in march and louie (april 5) tc… so many things to celebrate and be thankful about…

It was a slow and very, very, very, very hot night… I cant say it enough…{in a maarte tone “ its so freakin’ hot!”}… we were just chillin’ or maybe steaming would be a better term… playing games, eating, drinking and just basically lounging around… bonding…kwento… ayun, inumaga nanaman… and then everybody had to leave because its supposedly summer vacation and people had places to go etc…

Today naman, este yesterday…I couldn’t leave the house because I think I left my wallet at di/paco’s place so…

Anyway, hindi mapigil…gumawa ng paraan and found myself at the bus station (naka pambahay and all) after dinner chatting with Bernice as she was waiting for her trip to leave and I booked myself on a trip to Baguio… I will leave later 8:45 pm (april 4).

I wanted to leave with Bernice na sana kaso that would mean not seeing Sherwin… he’s only here in manila a few days and although may plans ako to go to Cebu later this summer…sobrang vague pa nun…

He was out with his college friends tonight (er last night) so we planned to meet at morato nalang after…met him at coffee bean 11:30ish and stayed there for chika for a couple of hours… I just got home less than an hour ago…mga past 2 na yon… as I’ve said… ano ba namang oras ng uwi yan?

Ps. (disclaimer pa) Lest you get the wrong idea, this is not normal for me…although not unusual either… when I’m out with friends or blockmates lang…hindi naman sobrang dalas… most of the time I go straight home from school (although minsan its really late na kasi parang evening sched kami some days)…honest. J

Hey! Sorry ngayon lang yung text, i’m in davao na.  Sobrang daming personal things going on so I decided to quit school muna. Keep in touch ok?

D: Kix? WHAT?

K: Happy april fool’s day dxxx!ű

D: Happy heart attacks day you mean! Whew!

J: April fools day to you too? ű

B₁: Sure.im busy too, stil fgtng 4 exams.txt u agen after.

K: Ang corny mo! Ayaw na kita kausap.

B₁: ?huh.sori tlga. Im freakng out cuz im nly halfway done.

A: What!? :c Hindi ka man lng nagsabi in advance.. :c I hope everything’s ok.. Nawalan nnmn ng isang great person ang block. *sigh* Well anyway, I do hope ur going to come back Cheska. If you need anything just text me..

K: Happy april fool’s day axxx!ű

A: HAHAHA! Oo nga pla!!! Ű

A: Gawin k kya sa block yun? Hmm… text kun a walang finals bukas.. Hahahahaha jk!

K: Cruel yon pero masaya.ű

A: Jk lng haha bka patayin ako bukas! Lagot k sa akin Cheska! I texted Bxxx pa naman kung totoo hahaha! Ű

K: Don’t worry, I txtd her din.ű hindi ko pa lang binabawi kc hindi pa nagre-react.

A: haha cge cge.. Saki aku so joke haha ű

P: Huwat?

P: S0rry self-centered m0ment, can I have y0ur 0blic0n sl0t? Any m0re explanati0n? J0ke ba it0?

K: Happy april fool’s day pxxx!ű

P: G00d. Kasi I th0ught shit, im g0ing t0 be a xxx.

S: Go girl, u need a break! Just relax and de stress muna. Enjoy. I’m just a txt/im away f u nid 2 talk.Ű mwah!

K: Ang sweet and supportive! Anyway, happy april fool’s day! See you tom.ű

S: U evil evil gal! Hehe. See ya tm.Ű

N: Oh, ok. Natapos mo naman exams m? Are u ok? I mean, health-wise.

K: Exams pa namin. Just taking a breather – by txtng jokes. Happy april fool’s day nxxx.Ű

N: Baliw!Ű u got me there.Ű

B₂: Huwaaaat?! Are you okay?

B₂ calls – K ignores

K: Happy april fool’s day bxxx!ű

B₂: Gago ka ű

B₂: NOT FUNNY okay! Hahaha.Ű And I didn’t even realize na april na, kasi usually, exams ND IN MARCH! Hay law sch nga naan.. I better c u tom lois (so I can wring ur neck).ű

B₂: Sino pa nbiktima apart frm me and axxx? Hahaha.Ű

K: xxx

B₂: Hahaha.Ű good one.

H: What? Y? Uh ? Can u tel ? Wats going on ?

K: Happy april fool’s day hxxx!ű hopefully, I’ll see you soon – like in the next few days.ű

H: Ngak. Tnx ha. Ya, il c u.